Getting over my own narcissistic tendencies.
Since I was a little girl I was told that I was clever. Not beautiful, or thin or creative. No, I was told that I was smart. This is not a bad thing to tell a young girl. The problem comes later in life when that ‘clever little girl’ (or boy) reaches puberty and starts to face further and higher education. This is a common problem that myself, and other university friends, have talked about at great length.
This is why I’m acknowledging it here. Because, when these clever little girls grow up, go to university and begin to struggle they inevitably place themselves on a path of self-doubt, insecurity and inevitably failure to act. I have written for University magazines, national student publications and even a global blog. The fact remains, however, that for fear of failure it is only now that I am pushing myself to write as a single voice on my own personal blog.
The issue that I am referring to, the one that I and many of my friends suffer, is narcissism. As someone who found school easy and felt it would only be right to jump further into academia with a degree, the narcissist prides themselves on being an intelligent individual.
When surrounded by other likeminded people the individual then suffers what is to be called an existential crisis. Suddenly the sufferer has to revaluate their beliefs. Now, you are no longer a standout intellectual but average. The lucky few amongst this group will be able to assert their dominant intellect or at least lie through many a seminar and act as if they have read all the secondary reading and can apply many in-depth analysis techniques.
Others, and this is the majority of the group, will become uncomfortable, shocked by their lack of understanding and from this will start to become insecure in their abilities and soon see their grades drop. Why is this important you ask?
Because this is the very reason, after writing for various outlets, interning with magazines and news agencies, that I am only now putting my writing under a singular voice and proclaiming my opinion to the world. Even though many are unlikely to see it.
I’m kicking my ‘intelligence narcissism’ and making myself write: in the open, online, visible through social media. It is the time for me now to admit it may be atrocious, contain spelling mistakes (I’m only human) and people may not like it. But it’s time. I’m out of the Harry Potter’s cupboard and finally stepping forward with my opinions. You’ll hopefully find every subject from books to theatre, film to celebrity culture and probably, inevitably, a little bit of political feminist ramblings.
I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.
So please, step right up, and enjoy a few Nights At The Circus which will hopefully entertain you and cross a few boundaries while we’re at it.