How many of you have ever been met with the “I just need to be by myself right now,” speech during a break up? And yes, for the purposes of clarity, just seeing someone and that ending counts as a break up.
So many of us will greet this angle with sympathy, with an air of chill because of course we want the person we’ve invested in to grow and find happiness. Unfortunately, this is not the response that will give you satisfaction.
While everyone is entitled to self-doubt and not knowing their path using this as an excuse to cut someone out of your life is not an adequate reason. It’s a quote that allows the deliverer to avoid the real issue – lack of emotional maturity, they’re just not that into you, or even….and this may hurt…. they miss feeling single and playing the field.
Relationships, no matter how serious or casual, are a battle ground of the minds where the shots fired come in conversation. Simply saying you’re not interested anymore feels like launching a missile across a village when you should have just used the sniper and taken the single casualty. Honesty, however, really is the best policy.
During the post-break up period everyone goes though the “what did I do wrong?” phase, and the truth is, probably nothing. Sometimes people genuinely do throw away a good thing because they’re not ready, and sometimes it really is the other person and not you, but regardless of whether you find blame in yourself or not, this self-flagellation won’t bring them back, and it won’t change the ending.
My experience with this leads me to say – be angry, feel whatever emotion you hold inside. It’s ok to be frustrated. You felt like this could have been something special, whether they did or not, and they haven’t valued you enough to continue.
The only path now is to pick yourself up and value yourself. The best advice I have received in this scenario, is don’t doubt yourself. I know, cliché right? Your personality, your looks, your figure, your actions – they are you, and if someone doesn’t appreciate them, another will. Taste is personal and varied and eventually there will be someone on the other end who will value you as you deserve.
I don’t pretend it’s easy. I don’t pretend to be able to say that I’m totally chill about the “I just need to be by myself right now” but why the hell should I be? Relationships, again no matter how casual or serious, take investment – you care and it’s ok to not be chill when it ends.
Post-break up really is the time to value yourself, so let out those emotions and start being selfish about you. Say no to things that you don’t want to do and say yes to things you’re scared to do but always thought about. It’s time to be by yourself and value that person, because regardless of when you eventually meet someone who sees how special you are, you’re going to be stuck with yourself for a very long-time.
Nights At The Circus 